Numb
by PurpleHiraikotsuRider
Summary: Why do parents try to rule our lives and make us become them?


Don't own Inuyasha. This is based on the song _**Numb**_ by Linkin Park. Don't own that either.

Anyway, I was just thinking: what if Sesshoumaru had a hard childhood? What if his father wasn't proud of him? What it that neglect was what made him so cold? Based on my own childhood. Slight spoilers for the third movie.

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

"Chichi-ue?"

"What is it?" Touga looked at his young son from his desk. It was well after midnight, and he was sick of work and especially grumpy. "You should be in bed."

Five-year old Sesshoumaru rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I can't sleep. There's a _yumeyoukai_ in my closet."

The lord of the west raised his brow. "And you can't take care of it yourself? Has all your training been worthless?"

The child looked at the floor and mumbled, "This one's invisible."

"Can't you sniff it out?"

"It doesn't have a scent."

"All youkai have scents. You must be able to determine it on your own. Now go back to bed."

"Demo, youkai – "

"The future lord of the west must learn to deal with things himself."

_**I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface**_

Eleven-year old Sesshoumaru stood firmly in the dojo, analyzing his father's movements and trying to anticipate where he would strike next. When he was still, the younger youkai attacked Touga's side, managing to slice a piece of his heavy armor.

"Is that all?" Touga mocked, attacking and managing to cut his son's arm open. Blood flowed freely down his hand and dripped to the ground.

"Chichi-ue – "

"If you weren't such an easy opponent, you would not be injured so easily," his father said, sheathing his sword and walking away. "We will train again when you are better suited to fight me."

Clutching the wound, Sesshoumaru went about his lessons with a frown on his face.

"Sesshoumaru?" a woman's voice came from the open shoji.

"Yes, Haha-ue?"

"Training has been cut short?"

"It seems I am not strong enough to fight Chichi-ue."

The lady of the west smiled wryly. "Keep training by yourself until you are, then."

_**Don't know what you're expecting of me**_

"Haha-ue," he said quickly as his mother turned to leave.

"Hai?"

"When I am the western lord, will I have to be as strong as Chichi-ue?"

A cold grin graced her face. "Stronger. But you'll manage. You have my strength as well as his."

**_Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes_**

Fifty-year old Sesshoumaru was on patrol with his father. Although he appeared to have the body of a thirteen-year old, Touga had high hopes that in a few decades he would be capable of doing this task himself.

"Now, pretend there are two youkai near this spot. To the left, about a mile away, is a lesser youkai. To the right, again about a mile away, is a youkai of half your strength. To protect the lands, which one would you deal with first and why?"

Sesshoumaru considered. "The lesser one, because it can be dealt with more quickly."

Touga pressed two fingers into his forehead. "No, Sesshoumaru. Leave the weaker for last as it can do less damage while you take care of the stronger one."

**_Every step that I take is another mistake to you_**

As Sesshoumaru grew up to his second century, the decades of disappointing his parents made him close into himself. The more he messed up, the less emotion he showed until he began caring less and less of what they thought of him. Daiyoukai visited with his father, each saying how strong Sesshoumaru was becoming, and how like his father. He would rule the lands just as well, maybe better. The only problem was, Sesshoumaru did not agree with half his father's methods. Although they were effective, they wasted resources when such waste was unnecessary. Of course, when he tried to tell his father this, Touga only said, "You are not the lord of the west yet. Until then, I rule."

He knew it was merely a way to get him to back down and see that he was wrong, his father was right, and he would have to grow to be like him.

**_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
_****_Become so tired, so much more aware  
_****_In becoming this all I want to do  
_****_Is be more like me and be less like you_**

By the time he reached two hundred, Sesshoumaru appeared fifteen. By all rights, he was old enough to patrol himself, but Touga would not allow him to.

"Chichi-ue," he said one day.

"Hai?" his father answered in a bored voice; he western lord hated patrolling.

"Why do you not let me finish this circuit myself? When I return home I will fill in a report as usual. I know how much you hate these patrols."

"No, Sesshoumaru. I will finish with you."

"Why?"

"I need to be sure you don't miss anything, that's all."

_You know _nothing_, Chichi-ue. How can you tell if I miss something if you won't even let me_ try_? How can I become strong if you control my every move? I was not born to live your life again. I have to have my own._

**_Can't you see that you're smothering me?  
_****_Holding too tightly afraid to lose control_**

Ninety-seven years after that, something huge happened to disturb the peace in the western lands permanently.

Izayoi.

Touga went on patrol alone one time to give Sesshoumaru time to train and study and returned smelling of humans. Since then he starting finding excuses to go alone and often, despite how he supposedly hated the task. Over time, the smell of humans began to be less diluted until it eventually was only the smell of one human in particular. One human woman.

One human woman who had undeniably been standing too close to the western lord. Much too close.

Sesshoumaru decided it was time to end his father's affair after a particularly long and tiring "patrol". He followed him when he next left, but didn't manage to get very far without being spotted.

"Come out, Sesshoumaru," Touga ordered when they were a large distance from the palace.

He obeyed not out of respect, but because he knew he was caught.

"Why are you not at home training?"

"Why are you not?"

"I do not need to be. If you ever wish to overpower me, you must train to be strong."

_I bet you don't even know how strong I am. It's been decades since you last trained with me, and I can barely remember the last time you spent any time with me that wasn't necessary. Are you that disinterested in me, Chichi-ue?_

"I challenge you," Sesshoumaru suddenly said. He had had enough of being ignored for not being the perfect son he should.

"Do you really think that is wise, pup? It's been a while since you last fought me, and you are not the only one who grows in strength."

"Wise or not, I still challenge you."

Touga sighed. "Foolish puppy. Do not stray from all you have been taught."

"I'm not, Chichi-ue. I'm using what I've learned to become my own person and not the person you wish me to be."

**_Everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you_**

The western lord raised his brow. "What do you think I wish you to be?"

"You wish me to be you. But I am not and never will be you, Chichi-ue."

**_Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
And every second I waste is more than I can take_**

Sesshoumaru lost, of course. He was not yet strong enough to best his father, and only gain multiple injuries. After the battle Touga left for his human pet, and Sesshoumaru was left in the forest to heal enough to go home. He was filled with rage at his father's treatment of him, and withdrew further into himself.

**_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_**

When he was a child, his mother had told him stories of how Touga had tried so hard to impress his father. But he still had no right to treat his own son in the same way. Sesshoumaru was determined not to end up the same way. He would become strong his own way, and he would eventually take his father's title from him.

**_And I know  
I may end up failing too  
But I know  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you_**

He would not let his father rule his life. This Sesshoumaru was ruled by no one but himself.

**_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there_**

That winter, a bastard hanyou was born and Touga died for him. Sesshoumaru was left with the mere trinket Tenseiga while, after two hundred years, the hanyou was blessed with the fang Tetsusaiga.

_Chichi-ue… why leave such a weapon in the hands of a weak hanyou? Why did you have the fang repel me? Do you not want me to be strong? Do you wish for _Inuyasha _to rule the west instead of me? Had you survived the fight with Ryuukotusei and then the fire, would you have disinherited me?_

**_I'm tired of being what you want me to be_**

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

Ugh, this isn't one of my best pieces. Feel free to review, and constructive criticism is welcomed.


End file.
